Pandemic or not. You have your good days, and you have your bad days. Today was the latter. Emotions can be a prick of a thing sometimes. God, I know I’ve struggled with mine in the past, and this week has been no exception.
Self-Isolation challenges you. That’s for sure. It’s the feeling of helplessness as everything changes in the outside world that gets to you the most. Today staff and management got together with the owners for explanations of what’s next and farewells. From what I hear, it was just the formalities of being let go.
Afterwards, some shared some adorable group pics online, and the reality of it all finally hit me. I wasn’t able to share that final moment with my colleagues. I’ll be honest more than anything I was upset that after working there for nearly nine years, I wasn’t even worth a phone call.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling hurt by the experience. I guess it just further cements the fact that once this whole pandemic is over, for many, it’s an opportunity for a reset. Obviously, it’s pretty damn clear where I stand now. After all these years putting so much of my heart and time into that place, it really counts for nothing.
There are positives from the experience. All those times, I was belittled and criticised, finding myself questioning whether I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with work and was too scared to get out. It’s pretty clear I was, but now it’s over.
Yes, I feel a little jaded right now. In this weird way I feel hurt. In my head, I always pictured it going down differently and even joked it would go something like this.
Perhaps, this is all just a blessing disguise. At least I won’t have to work out if, how, and when I’ll leave. That’s already been sorted for me whether I like it or not.
It’s time to let go and move on. At least I can go forward being thankful for the memories, and sure of one thing. I won’t be allowing history to repeat itself.
The path to resetting is already underway.
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