I’ve got a challenge for you. So hear me out. I want you to go stand in front of a mirror, place a hand on your heart and repeat the following words, “I’m worthy. I deserve better.”
Now do this daily. Even throughout the day place your hand on your heart and repeat the words. You might feel kinda silly at first. Honestly, I did. But that’s okay. You might not even believe in the words at first, but trust me, you will. Self-affirmation does wonders for the soul. Just make sure you leave the ego at the door.
This year on a personal level has seen so many changes taking place in my life. I’d be lying if I said it’s been all roses and chocolates. It’s been really fuckin’ hard. Leaving a job after eight years, picking up study, finally starting a process to face some trauma from my past, even certain friendships have been really taxing mentally. There have been times that I honestly didn’t know if I’ve had the strength to go on.
But then there were these words, “I’m worthy. I deserve better.”
They’ve been a force behind a lot of decisions I have made this year. There was a point where I was expecting change without actually changing anything. The pandemic allowed me to reassess my life, my passions, behavioural patterns and thought processes, but most importantly, the things that needed to change.
It’s been a process and it’s far from over. But even the smallest step forward is an achievement. The thing about making progress, life will still throw its challenges along the way whether you like it or not. For those privileged to have it “smooth sailing” you’re lucky, not everyone is that fortunate.
The last few months for me in particular, have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. So much has been going on. Like if it doesn’t rain it pours kind of things. One of the big lessons I’ve been learning as of late is you can acknowledge red flags, and you can even choose to ignore them. But under no circumstances paint them white!
I’m the kind of person who likes people around me to have a good time. It’s for this very reason, I can be pretty generous. I always have been and probably always will. The only thing I expect in return is a bit of respect and human decency. I don’t think that is too much to ask. Anyone that is close friends with me also knows I’ll call things out for what they are and I expect my friends to do the same.
Now, this isn’t a slag fest. So I’ll try to keep this part short. The last few months, I’ve found myself it a bit of a weird situation with someone who it felt was taking my friendship for granted and treated like a convenience. During this time, I had to face a lot of narcissistic tendencies, love bombing, and quite a bit of gaslighting. Whether they meant to or not, it was there nonetheless.
Apologies without action are just meaningless words. When confronted, it seemed the focus would be on my reaction rather than their behaviour. Much to my disappointment, including that of my close friends, a cycle began that seemed to repeat on a regular basis.
It’s not that I didn’t see it. My intuition is usually spot on. But there’s a fine line between trusting it and proving that it’s right. Rarely is it worth bothering with the latter, but I tried anyway. When you spend time with people, you get to understand their habits, the final nail in the coffin for me was just their plain ignorance. The block button at times can be a very therapeutic experience.
I still care for this person and we did share some memorable experiences together. However, if they really want me in their life, the ball is in their court. They’ve got my mobile number, but also things need to change. They cannot continue the way they have been. If not, it’s their loss. There’s also a certain point when you have to stop trying to keep someone in your life when they are making no effort to be in it.
You’re worthy and you deserve better because EVERYONE deserves more happiness, fulfilment and meaning in their lives. If you can make any changes that move you towards any of these aspects, your life will be better for it. Don’t get me wrong it’s different for each person. That is why it will only be you who can decide which path you walk down and how you will do it. But it’s also important to be gentle and patient with yourself. As the saying goes, “from little things, big things grow.”
I share all of this from my own experience. I assure you I don’t have all the answers. It’s just something that’s assisted me in my own journey and I hope it can help others as well. I really want to encourage you with the challenge at the beginning of this post. It might be a little weird at first, but that is okay. Yes, there will be hurdles and it will sometimes seem hard, but the more you do it, the more you persevere, the more you start to live it as your truth.
So remember to tell yourself daily, “I’m worthy. I deserve better.”
Disclaimer: However, if your happiness is based on other’s unhappiness, You’re just a shit head. Not much else to say there.
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